Summaryt Week 3 (slight edit)
Summary Week 3 (slight edit)
Saturday, July 24, 2021
1:52 PM
Umm, Sunday not so good :(
Morning!
It’s about 8 am and all is good. Hey did you hear New England is out of it! Wooo Hooo! Was scared of that Tom Brady. J
Bears will play today at Soldier field today at 3:30 pm. We’re looking forward to that! We won’t want to waste a prayer hoping against another team, but we figure we can still hope our home team wins! Working at not bothering you God!
Hmm, that was a quickie … Sweetie said, “hi beautiful!” we said one thing and they he had to go L That wasn’t very good. I don’t think we’ve talked since late Wednesday night and we’re starting to feel a little neglected. Last night we were verging on sad.
Ahh he came back and we had a little more time to talk. Think people are beginning to wear on each other. Then he said something about son getting a tattooed tummy. After that he got too frustrated to go further hehehe. One of the kids is leaving this afternoon, and the second and her friend is leaving tomorrow. Just one left at home. Things will get back to normal. J The good and bad news is that he might stop by, might not, but it will only be for a 5 minute hug. L BUT, since hugs in general are good … we’ll try to look forward and not cry in our coffee J
Hmm, not feeling so good right now. Little down … Maybe because body seems to be rejecting me this morning. Shoot, we can do this, we can, we can. Let’s try focusing on something else. Maybe some fresh air? Let me let some light on in here … Light is something we don’t always take to. Ahh, that is better. Missy likes it too! It’s like the Poseidon adventure when they open the ships hatch and discover light. The first time you’ve seen it during the whole movie and it is bright and dazzling.
Pretty sure friend will bring up chair too … the broken one is driving me zonkers. The back is pulling off. Hmpf!
Ok, lets move on to some better thinking?
Oh oh … there is a vacancy here.
Things have happened and it’s already quarter to 11. I don’t feel very well, maybe because of all the aspirin I’m taking for the sciatica. Maybe Mal would know about this.
Hmm, maybe if we describe our mood, then we can talk ourselves out of it? We’ll try.
Ok, How are you? Feeling blechy. Umm, try harder? My tummy feels sick and my head is dizzy. And, it’s got that crinkly face on again where eyebrows our pushing my forehead up to my hair! Ok, now we are getting some where. How are the rest of you? Hmm. Somebody shifted they keyboard left and its confusing our brain! I see maybe we can look into fixing that, ok?. I knowwwwwww…
Do we have to do homework today?? Oh oh … was afraid of that question! Why don’t we just give ourselves a little break and evaluate after lunch. How’s that? Umm, better. Maybe if you try a little water? My tummy hurts … ok ok shhhhh…
The quiet is ringing in my ears! And, my head feels unhappy. What do you mean? YOU HEARD ME! Ok, OK shhhhh. Let’s work on using our inside voices J FRUMP. L
Hmm, water? NO WATER, OR I’LL THROW-UP! Ok ok … shhhhh, ok, no water.
Rest for 10 minutes …
You feeling better now? My tummy feels better, but ears still ringing and there is a goldfish swimming in my brain. Hmm, ok, how about some music? We’ll put on Enya reeeeeeeeeal quiet J That’s pretty. Can we wear the headphones? Sure, let me hook that up for you. Thank you. Better? Uh huh…
Ok, now deep breath, let it out …
I think I want to cry … cry? Why cry? Cuz everything hurts. Everything? Well, mostly. I know why don’t we try some hot chocolate … maybe you will feel better with something in your tummy. Maybe. I don’t want to move though. Won’t make itself dear… I knooooooooowww. I’m thinking. Maybe we can take a nap instead? Hmm, thadda girl, that’s good thinking. I wonder if the ear phones will stretch to the chair?
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/16/2006 09:04:00 AM__Comments: 3_
_"Umm, Sunday not so good :("_
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_Tammy Brierly__ said..._
Singing to you...You are my sunshine! Notice I sound soothing and not off key? Why did kitty leave the room?
Monday, January 16, 2006 3:35:00 PM
_Ann Marie__ said..._
Thank you Tammy ... you sure are a nice. Your voice is wonderfully comforting. I'm not sure about the the kitty question though ... Is this like why did the chicken cross the road?
xoxo
us!
Monday, January 16, 2006 3:43:00 PM
_V__ said..._
Hugs,
V
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 4:16:00 AM
Bill's Meaning to Life
Good morning … late morning,
We found ourselves back in bed for a late nap. Sweetie came over little longer than expected J He wasn’t much into talking though. I think he had to let things settle down in his mind some more. He might stop back today … we’ll have to see. Know he’s got a whole lot built up in there. L Let it go, let it go, let it go… Hmm, seems that was an old girl scout song. Anyone know it? Chairs in too, but we’re having adjustment troubles … hard to get comfortable anywhere with the aches and pains. Seems to be working with an added pillow.
Hmm, one more catch-up … we have to let go of the Bears for another season. I hadn’t realized Rex Grossman was such a new QB. Whoo … only six previous quarters played in professional football?? Just know that wasn’t going to happen! Think he only had 6 completed passes (and he was doing a lot of passing) in the first half. Then there was that other guy who kept running in the TD’s we weren’t watching too good. Sure, there was a lot more, but umm you know rubbing backs higher priority than even … da bears ;)
Ehh enough said there … We’re hoping for Seattle and Pittsburgh now for the big game. We’ll see … not so good at picking these kind of stuff. I suppose this disproves the theory that the nicest uniforms wins … Really not sold on the Steelers helmet L I suppose that is why they earn the big bucks!
Not much else going on here. I should be getting back to school. But, not quite yet. Hmm, does anyone remember if I took my medicine? Shoot. We’re thinking not. Kinda scared about putting it in our tummy again. Ok, I know … going … mark time at 10:45 am. L
Mmm, having some hot chocolate now and listening to Celine Dion. Life’s not so bad. Yesterday I tried looking for questions on the meaning of life. _I found this site written by Bill, this middle-aged guy who used to be a Rabbi but is now into writing software. __He says to go ahead and swipe whatever as long as we give him credit. So, we figured we would entertain _Bill’s thoughts __over the course of the year and figure it out for ourselves.
The Talmud teaches: Just before a baby is born, an angel shows it everything there is to know and learn on Earth. Then at the moment of birth, the angel touches the infant’s upper lip, and the child forgets everything. We spend the rest of our lives remembering what the angel showed us.This is a generic guide to the meaning of life.It does not describe one view of the meaning of life and recommend you adopt it. It helps you remember what the angel showed you.The angel showed you the meaning of life.In case you have not remembered yet, here is what the angel showed you.
Just exactly as if you are landing a spaceship from another galaxy, your soul enters your body and lands here on Earth. Perhaps you come from out of nowhere, out of nothingness. Or else you had a previous existence somewhere, in another realm or in this realm, and you have forgotten it. Perhaps you land here of your own free choice.Or some cosmic force some karma beyond you causes you to land on this planet; and you have no choice. No matter. This is Earth. You land and stay for a while.
Will take us a few moments to respond. Go ahead ... you try too. What is your response to the intro or #1?
Ok, and then let it be so. This is Earth, this is me, and here we go. ‘Cept, we been going for 46 some years now. Thing is … I don’t have such a good memory for it all. Like I know there were years that I was married, but now that they are well over, I don’t really remember what it was really like. What comes to mind first is I had to pick up a lotta dirty socks. We’re against that idea now days. I think when that Angel touched my upper lip; she slipped and dragged her finger against my lower lip too. Maybe that is why we whimper so often about forgetting.
We were just thinking that maybe God has a white feathery robe and souls are like the feathers that fall out when he dances and then the Angels collect them and put them in babies. Just at the tiniest level of cell creation. So, it is not that we become out of nothing. We are tiny specks of God’s wherewithal.
Well it’s a theory at least. J Between the point of the last paragraph and this one, I fell asleep for a while. I had a dream. We were back at Minnesota and living with the family I had growing up. We were angry. I was back there as a guest. The dream started out with me being down in the basement, but my brother had been there for a long extension of time and had remodeled the basement. There was very little furniture. When I woke up down there I was sleeping on the cement floor; a part of the unfinished walking space of the floor. I thought I would do something good and tidy things up. There had been a dresser and another empty sleeping bag. I think I lost it though when a mouse ran across my path where I had been sleeping. I made a half-hearted attempt to end its life with a broom, but I was too scared of it to stand close enough for a real swat and it scurried away.
I remember there being people upstairs when I went up … the arrangements of furniture were odd. I know I needed a smoke. Somehow, I ended up in a car with my mother. She was driving. I started to explain the conditions in which I would stay. I wanted the desk I’d seen in the basement to go up to my room so I could do homework. She said or did something though to make me realize that she was planning that I leave and was not welcome to stay. When I asked her what time frame she had in mind, she indicated it couldn’t be too soon, though she’d wait the day if she had to. I remember the thought I would need to figure out where I would get a job and live and that I was freed, but unprepared.
Then I wondered if I should be looking north of Minneapolis where she was, or Winona, where I’d gone to school, then I remembered I had kids back in Chicago, but I didn’t know how to get all the way back. I ended up with a Sunday newspaper and started to look wondering what I was qualified for, but then the dream ended.
Now when I think of my soul landing on Earth, I feel a little bad it had landed with this woman. Mostly because she didn’t want it. So, I guess it found a way to get to Chicago, because here I am in my own home with kitties and computer and things about me. Maybe that point is important … A soul will keep searching until it finds its place. All the other places it has been are irrelevant, unless one wants to appreciate the distance it has traveled to get us to the right spot.
Now, I look around at my desk and I see things that remind me, I’ve been here for some time. I see the empty plate from lunch and think tomatoes have found their way to my fridgerater and those beautiful color pencils swirl in their cup teasing me to spend some time coloring. We’ve thought before being a multiple if we had more than one soul. I think you only get one soul per body. So, we must be sharing ours. If we had a choice in which body we could have taken, it must have meant that we had the most empathy for the baby that my mother would give birth too. We must have thought this poor thing needed us more than all the other babies. I could believe in this. It then became our destiny to do the best we could with it.
It has been a longer stay on Earth than we had expected though. Now we’re kind of glad we’ve had the opportunity to look around. It should only seem fit that I am here. Sometimes it is still a struggle to figure out how to get those kitties fed, but I’m glad they seem to like us. I am glad they have the souls they do and they chose us. I’m also glad that you all are here. Sometimes you write back to let me know you’re here, and I think how nice these people are. I don’t think there was anything my young soul wanted more than to be surrounded by nice people. We’re still unsure where we’ll end up, but for this nice space we landed; we are appreciative. We like us. We like you.
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/16/2006 11:42:00 AM__Comments: 5_
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_Gabreael__ said..._
I like this post. I have written some on the Talmund I need to write more.
Have A Nice Holiday Off!
Gabreael
http://gabreaelsbodymindandspirit.blogspot.com/
Monday, January 16, 2006 12:11:00 PM
Anonymous said...
I hope you get to feeling better soon. have you tried accupunture? it works on the scatica nerve real well (hubby went last year when his was acting up)
Deb
Monday, January 16, 2006 1:57:00 PM
_Tammy Brierly__ said..._
Sorry about the aches and pains :(
You could be a Packer fan like us:(
I have always liked the theory we have chosen to live this life or it was chosen for us. To learn something we need...Hmmm
Tummy ring...Great idea!
Monday, January 16, 2006 3:32:00 PM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
We know how you feel, Ayn. Sometimes when it gets bad the best thing to do is get as comfortable as possible and relax, and hope for some sleep (and don't forget the little pink umbrellas.)
Love,
Bon & Mal
Monday, January 16, 2006 6:47:00 PM
_V__ said..._
Good luck with your Dr`s appointment on Tuesday!
Hugs,
V
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 4:13:00 AM
Doctor's visit - yuchy stuff (you can skip this one)
Dear Dr. M.,
Is it ok if I tell you about the doctor visit. I know, I know not fair, because you can't walk out. You can skip this email if you want though, because this stuff probably isn't important to anyone but me. Shoot, nother bad mood. I'm sorry ... I'll try to be more practical.
The Dr. read the whole list of problems and complimented our efficiency :) She was real happy about losing 35 pounds. She said, I know this was hard for you. And we said, "uh huh, but we got a diet buddy" so it wasn't way hard. Just regular hard. She didn't say too much about the school, except that she had seen that. And, it was great. I still think she worries about our mind, because its hard to stay adult when she starts asking about what hurts.
Umm, she may be a little mad with you. Was talking to herself when noting you had ordered my diabetes pills without tests. We just be quiet because we didn't want you to stop helping us.
She was glad to hear that we'd gotten our eyes checked and had received the new tri-focals, but not as excited as I thought she would be. I think she was worried that our eyes had been deteriorating cuz of the diabetes. We told her that we now have 20/20 vision, but we started 3 lines higher. The hearing was a real positive thing. Because they could see the problem with their ear checker outer thingy, and the Dr. had the nurse take care of it and now she says my ears as clean as a whistle! I CAN HEAR!!! She also took precautions with the dizziness stuff, which made me wonder if it wasn't a part of the not hearing. The multiplicity per se did not come up although there was quite a bit of switching to get through the visit. The ear wouldn't have been a problem, but I'm always worried about missing out on sweet nothings in my ear by a certain somebody!
We talked about the depression for a while, but not too much on memory, OCD or anxiety. She said, you really like Dr. M, don't you? And, we said. YUP! And, she said that she was glad you can help us with all this because it was a lot.
With the diabetes, we talked about the diet, which she thought was ok and I think something was said about the dry mouth too, but I know somewhere in here she said that some of this would have to be handled better in another appointment. We scheduled another one in 2-3 weeks, don't remember the date, but it is like maybe first week of February and I think it 4:15. She did ask about the Flonaise and she said she wanted me to start using that again to help with the breathing. I thought she said I have an allergy, but that point will have to be gone over, because I don't want one.
She gave me more trouble with the not being able to sleep laying down in my bed. She wasn't so much for the idea of sleeping in the recliner. I told her it had started about the time of the surgery and I never went back to the bed. *Sigh* she won out ... she asked about the sleep apnea test she'd ordered before, but I told her we didn't go, so she said this time we have to go. We said, yes maam.
She just kind of checked in the arthritis stuff, we kinda got a lecture for not walking more. We had to tell her we switched the physical therapy for the school. She wasn't so happy about the smoking either, but she didn't come down on me real hard. I think she is going to wait until there is a case built up. I think we're going to get hit with it next time, because of the amount of coughing and stuff that comes with it. :(
She ordered tons of lab tests and is threatening that test again where I can't eat first. We're not going for that one yet! I know that my cholesterol and hyperthyroid, and diabetes, etc. need to be tested. She also gave me a flu shot and another lecture about not having my .... well, she peeked and that's about as far as we'd go.
It seems like the other problem may be a bigger deal than we had thought. We talked about it quite a bit and some other yucky stuff. We're not going into details. You'll have to read the report with your eyes closed! Thing is she is thinking between that something, something, stomach and back pains, sciatica whatever.......................... Well, I'm not really sure what all she was talking about ... She pushed and pulled some limbs and stuff, then she said she wanted me to take an MRI very soon, so she scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30 pm. A couple of things I didn't like, but I was cutting the sound of them off in my ear as soon as she said them. She mentioned both herniated disk and colon cancer a couple of times, but maybe she was doing the test just to rule them out??
I don't know ... that part gives me a headache
She also wanted a specialist to check my left hand for the numbness and tingling. That's been going on for a year now and she said something about some kind of nerve problems maybe with the diabetes.
We did talk a little bit about being afraid to leave the computer, even after we wake up at night, except for if the door is open and we are cold THEN we want to go back to bed. She also asked about the problems with the boss. We got too grouchy and just said she's a cranky 80 year old nun. Oh, and she confirmed our sore feet and face and asked about our sex life. We just said yes we have one and it is good. :) She didn't like the reflexes of one of my feet though. But, I never knew what those tests were all about.
Think that's about it. She was pretty business like, but by the end she'd relaxed a little because she looked so tired. I think we gave her too much. She was typing as she was going so maybe the report will be in for Thursday night. It's 6:30 pm here now and we're feeling pretty tired. I think I have to take the medicine pretty soon. And, the achyness is taking over again.
Ahh ... took the medicine. I think we're going to let this stuff go for now. Way into some heavy duty yawning. :)
Nighty Nite,
Us
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/17/2006 06:43:00 PM__Comments: 6_
_"Doctor's visit - yuchy stuff (you can skip this one)"_
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_V__ said..._
Good luck with the MRI today.
Hugs,
V
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 4:47:00 AM
_Darla__ said..._
I hate going to the doctors! I make progress in one thing and they always find something else for me to work on! You hang in there, Ayn! And Whooo Hoooo on the 35 pound weight loss!!!! That's great!!! Sending you a big hug!
Darla xxoo
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 6:14:00 PM
Anonymous said...
let me know how you liked the mri ok?
Deb
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 6:57:00 PM
_Ann Marie__ said..._
ACK! DEB!!! We'll write about it in the morning ... let's just say for now ... I surely hope it was worth the effort ... YEEKS!
Heheheh
Us
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 8:19:00 PM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
We don't much like doctors either. They mean well, and can be useful, but we feel they're kind of like car mechanics - always finding something new that went wrong.
Love,
Bon & Mal
Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:16:00 AM
_TJ__ said..._
You will have to keep us informed. I love MRI's it is a sneak peak inside where I can't see.
Life saving test.
So happy you can have this test as it is so expensive.
(Hugs)
Thursday, January 19, 2006 5:27:00 PM
Let's Call this a Day from Hell (warning long)
Good morning,
Just me. It’s about 2:15 am and the kitties decided it was time to be up and atum. So, we go through the processes that are important for a successful start. The kitties have been fed, washroom completed, and coffee has been made. We even went the extra yard and made some more ice water. YAYYYY Diets!!
I’m not sure what to say next, but the thought “we survived a day of hell and back,” comes to mind. Straight off the top of the list, we had our surprise state inspection, a staffing, 5 extra files checked, with the threat of three more on Tuesday, and then we followed that up with lab tests and an MRI. Pshwoo! Like let’s not try that all again in one day.
The worst of it was the state inspection. They used to give you a day in advance and let you pick out your own case files. Usually, we would have two of ours checked and the other Q would have two of hers checked. This time there was absolutely no warning and they chose the files they wanted to check. The first call came from the secretary. She said Sr. wanted us to know that they were in the building. I had been preparing clients one at a time and was up to 10 of the 20 files good. But, then Sr. called back and said, they wanted specific files. One they chose happened to be the client I was staffing that morning, but the other file had not been prepared up to tip top shape.
I went through what I can only describe as white blazing fear. I don’t know how many minutes went by for the shock to wear off. I have to admit honestly that dishonesty was one of my first actual thoughts. Then sense overtook poor reason, and I thought no … I’ve got to own up to what I have and have not done. Please believe me when I say it was a trembly moment. I didn’t think that Sr. would fire me, but I knew this would be reason enough if she had wanted. Not being ready for a State inspection was about the worst thing that you could do wrong as a Q. This wasn’t the usual guys coming to view records, although one of those guys was in too. The lesser state guy is hired from the government to look over our records, where the greater of the two was actually the state government checking records.
I was first between the Q’s, because the other one wasn’t in yet, and they were trying to get me done before the 10 am staffing, which of course, I was still preparing for (although on the better side). It helped that the parent was 30 minutes late, but by then the state contracted guy was going through my files too. He and I are used to each other, so I am not as threatened by him, although you certainly have to be paying attention.
We got through the first file pretty good … I was able to show all the proper documents and I was able to answer her questions. It was like one down, one to go and the second file was the iffy one. I told her upfront that this file wasn’t as good. The inspector was new, although her partner was familiar with our center because he’d been there before.
The one looking at the file was pretty nice. She was very complimentary on two points. The first was that she really liked our Qnote format. I think I’ve shown it to you once before. It’s got three 3-4” calendars representing the three goals for the month, then it has a big pink box and a couple moss green boxes. Hehehe actually its very cool color displayed. Looks sharp. In the big pink box we’ve got the numbers and general comments, then in one of the gray boxes we leave areas to be improved, and the other areas that are successful. She raved about how efficient and good looking it was, to the degree, she made sure Sr. Tess knew how much she appreciated it. It was like on man this can’t get much better. I had worked on the format last July and I was very pleased with it myself, as were the DSPs.
The second area she complimented us highly was on how many personal notes were written on each of the clients. This was another point she brought to Sr.’s attention. She stated that most places they visited there were just bare bones comments that didn’t show any real involvement with the clients. I made sure she saw that I kept Q. Chrononotes on my people. She enjoyed that too. She said this was very helpful and she appreciated that even though she did not know the client, she could read the sentences and feel like she understood the clients problems. The Q. chrono is something that I heard of from the start of my employ, but it had faded from the center’s usage. I had begun them again a year ago and I’ve given good time toward them. I was especially happy, because with the new Q. assistant, I make sure those notes are caught up. If I have any special talks with a client (happens about 6-7 times a week), then it is written on a notecard, and when the assistant comes in Thursday mornings, she charts it officially. I don’t know what possessed me, but the last time she was in, I had her pull all the clients Q chrono’s from her computer and I had inserted them in the official files. That turned out to be very much in our favor.
There were two more situations that worked out in our favor. The first was that she told me that in reality two extra weeks added to the time frame of which an annual report must be made. The annual is supposed to be in exactly one year or less from the time of the last one. In both situations, I had clients that had extended time in Mexico 3-4 weeks which made them late, but fortunately, they were each within that two week spare time. She also gave us the directive that in the future, we could have the staffing without the client and family, and then have a second meeting afterward when they’d gotten back. That was very good information and will help us in the future. But, for the time being I was safe!
The second thing that had helped me was that although I’d had one file caught up on Qnotes officially to the right date, the other was behind. But, I had thought while she was looking at the file of the DSP Goal Data Sheets which are in the same format of the Qnote, but hand written and not quite as specific as a Qnote. BUT, the lady accepted the DSP Goal Data sheet as having gotten in a Qnote. She considered it as a rough draft, which is basically what it is. The numbers haven’t been tallied, and I know that not all state inspectors would have let me gotten by with that because they weren’t signed by me or dated, but if I hadn’t mentioned it already I was pretty darn lucky.
I will never, never go through this kind of fear again. I am going to get those files ALL in shape, so I never have to be this scared.
The second part of the story is that which happened to the other Q. She like us had planned to have always ready two files, and she showed evidence when I looked at also having worked on 10 files, though none of them were complete, but as I’ve mentioned before, the State chose their own files, which didn’t include ones she had worked with. And to make matters worse. One of the clients was new, and had left already, but for the 4-5 months he was there, there weren’t any notes or records. Nor were there any monthly Qnotes from her second client they had chosen. I felt very badly for her. She was at a terrible, terrible place.
She then made things worse for herself. After waiting about 20 minutes from when they’d asked for the files and when she came out with the first, she claimed that her computer had gone down, and that somebody must have messed with it, and erased everything on her system. Of course, the odds of this happening are pretty slim and didn’t go so well with the state. Not only had she configured a lie, she was blaming it on other staff or clients, which in my book is so super uncool it is unbelievable. There was a time during her period of being with them that I was watching the switchboard for the secretary, the other Q. and Sr. Tess because they were either out to lunch or tied up with the state people. The other Q. was supposed to go back for the second file and as she passed me at the secretarial station, she hissed that this was all my fault. She said, I was going to make out as the perfect child and she was going to look like sh**. We only gave her a sympathetic look. We knew this was her style and she was running like a scared rabbit.
Later, when Sr. was down in our office, because pretty much she’d been going from one staff to another telling them how horrible this was and what the other Q. had done, she asked me about helping the other Q. retrieve her lost notes. I told her I honestly believed that the notes weren’t done and the computer was a cover up. I also told her that the other Q was having the assistant write the notes, so if they had been done they would be on the assistant’s computer, which they were. But, for the sake of argument, I went into my computer and pressed the right network buttons. And, true enough the other Q’s files had all been erased. I showed Sr. … this is your computer files, and I should have been able to press the other Q’s button and gotten access to her files as well. But, they were clearly missing.
Later after I was done with my upfront chores and had had a smoke, I thought, maybe to the other Q’s benefit I should check out her computer. I had passed her while she was working on Sr.’s computer and she looked pretty much like she was in shock. I had also heard, because the grape vine was running rampant that she had asked lesser knowledgeable DSP’s to look at her computer, though very clearly, she had not asked me although at the Center I am the one who holds the most knowledge in this area. When I got to Sr.’s office where she was … Sr. had come in and had just stepped back of her desk. I looked at the other Q and noted she was typing in Qnotes from scratch and I thought, maybe she was past that other point and had settled down into the fact she had to do the work. When I looked up at Sr. she gave me a silent but kind gesture not to say or do anything.
I think bottom line, no matter how angry Sr. was yesterday, and will be today and for many months now afterward, I appreciated that gesture of humanity; she had shown to the other Q. The other thing going for the other Q. was that the State people intentionally took a two hour lunch they told Sr. to give the other Q. a chance to have gotten some of the work in. There was one more thing going in the center’s favor, well several more actually. The general 97% of the center was in very good shape with no problems noted, the center and the clients always do well, the interviews had gone well with the parent (who had the staffing) and with the staff, and because there was a meeting for the center’s advisory counsel, our friend had been in the building and was helpful in calming down Sr.
I was also relieved because the work I do as a staff trainer had been caught up and officially filed in Sr.’s office. I did catch some hell for the fact that one of the staff who acts as job coach, driver, and housekeeper did not complete her first aid training. She was gone on the day that I had somebody in for the training and when I asked her when she was going in, she shook her head and said, I’m not going, I don’t need it. At that point, I should have realized, but didn’t that I had to enforce her going. Although, I knew at the time that Sister always sheltered this employee from doing the regular stuff. Like if it had been more convenient that the woman pick up milk and bread for Sister instead of attending a staff meeting, she would have gone that way. And, as it turned out while we were up with Sr. looking at her daughters (the assistants) first aid record and knew she didn’t have to go to July, I told her I had no doubt the daughter would have gone somewhere with her mother to get the task accomplished. The mother has though a 8th grade Spanish education and would have clearly wanted to avoid the classroom work. Sr. told me in her low, private voice that if we got through this without them specifically telling her to get the training done, we were going to skip it, which was my take on it the first time, but I realize that Sr. needed someone to blame, and in part it really was my fault although this usually comes in Sr.’s range of doing things, because I have responsibility over the staff, but no authority and this particular person is like a protected pet of Sr.s because she is so valuable to Sr. *Sigh* so much, so much.
I also came out pretty well in the interview portion. There weren’t any questions that I couldn’t answer and in truth many of the questions were safety orientated like what would happen if someone were hit, abused, or found missing or dead. Also, there were rights questions. All of these things I had covered with the staff training in recent months, or had answered through our work with CARF accreditation, so we were in good shape. He told me afterward, that I knew quite a bit of information. To which I thanked him and proudly stated, I should know these things because I was the staff trainer. I think the last question that I thought was interesting was that he had asked not only about my understanding of Sr., which of course we gave her a high rating EVEN THOUGH she wrote us up hehehe, I surely know HOW to answer an interviewer as to “public” information. And, he asked if I felt challenged. I told him that Sr. had shown good confidence with me and that I not only had the client part of a caseload, but she’d given me staff training and CARF accreditation, so there was plenty to keep me interested and motivated. YAYYYY V. would say, [Top answerer!] *giggle*
There was one last thing I wanted to write for the record. Although, I feel sorry for the other Q to the degree I told Sr. I wouldn’t say anything bad about her, because it could have as well been me in that hot seat, I won’t demean her even though she lashes out at others. No gloating on this one. I was more fearful the other Q. was going to have a heart attack, the pressure on her was so great. The thing of note was though interesting in that first, the regular state guy who was in for the staffing and had stayed to read notes hehehe I know he would have, even though I think he was as interested in the drama as everyone else. He stuck close to our office at the Assistants desk right past my desk wall. I know you can hear things through the door/wall, but most often I’d left it open. But, the thing that was soooo funny, was the amount of traffic in my office. Because I was so aware what the regular state guy was thinking, I just had to laugh. Everyone it seemed picked up more and more information, including Sr. and our friend, and they returned to my office often as an update station. I don’t know why that tickles me the most. I guess in one way it could be seen as “gossip,” but it was really more than that. It was the center at its best in supporting each other. People needed help in calming down. Didn’t hurt also that it was at the opposite side of the building from where the official state people had been staying in Sr.’s office. I did give up my office to them for a couple of interviews, but as always, I’m proud to have people back there, because if nothing else Sr. has given me a wonderful, wonderful office. YAYYYYYY
At one point another state contraction inspector had called while I had both Sr. and our friend in the office. She wanted to set up dates for a Tuesday visit to see our joint clients. She only has three of mine, and I felt wow! Simple, no problem, because in actuality, there will never in this entire year be a day that was as much pressure as the day was. PSHWOOO!!
After things are wrapping up, the state has an exit interview. We will find out more about that today. Normally, we’re included in that, but there was the matter of radiology and lab appointments. Although, I’d volunteered to reschedule, about 2 pm, Sr. realized that it was more important to take care of the medical stuff then to have me stay for the exit interview. I’m not sure if the other Q. was involved, but I know Sr. stayed for the State meeting and our friend went to the other 3 pm meeting for the Advisory Board. Wow! What a day. I’m reminded now that this morning there is going to be a behavior/human rights meeting that I have to attend and take notes for, and in all my terrible means of doing things, it means I have to type the notes this morning of the last meeting. AGAIN, nothing is as bad as a surprise state inspection!
Hmm, somehow without my knowledge a kitty snuck into my arms. Oh man … what a day … good kitty! I guess we’re just a babbling now. But, there is a little more.
I think in general the trip back to the University for medical stuff went pretty good. I had a little problem with the blood work, because after a half a dozen vials were drawn, she handed me that d*** urine cup and said that I was supposed to go down the hall to the bathroom. That pretty much stunned me. I said, “WHAT!?? You are going to make me go through that packed waiting room with a cup of urine!??” From that point on the lab person stopped being nice. She said in a bad attitude, well our bathroom is broken and that’s the best we can do. I thought certainly this was not satisfactory. So, complained for a few minutes about it before jamming the **** cup in my coat pocket. The bathroom down the hall I knew was going to be a problem, because they are the central bathrooms right off the elevators and everyone and their cousin use them, so they are the least sanitary in the medical center. Of course, when we got there they were being used, and one of them had a housekeeper darting in and out trying to spray down the place, because somebody very messy or smelly had been through there first. Then I was soon joined by another gentleman who said he’d been looking for an empty bathroom for the last half hour. I thought ohhhhhhhhh Lordy!
The second shock was after getting back to the lab. The tech had given me instructions to go through a door and leave it on some counter. I had of course in the nature of all wise people, cleaned off the little cup, buried it in paper towel, and pushed it into my already complaining pocket. I could here an infant crying behind the door and I knew the set-up enough to know that I would be walking in on someone else’s lab work. I stopped a passing tech to confirm this is what I had to do. The tech must have talked to the first one, because she loudly shouted for all to hear, “What, you have a URINE SPECIMEN!??? Where is it? You PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET! By then there is nothing to do but say, “Oh fu**, fu**, fu**,” and beat it the he** out of there. It’s like 20 people crowded into a 20 x 30 room. Think there is a chance nobody heard??? I may go back there today to write out a formal complaint. I’m almost past that shock, but not looking forward to a bad reputation since I’ll have to go back. Actually, I think it was panic from the day gone a muck. We are very aware of multi-cultural issues due to the course work and between techs, check-in staff, and clients, I was the only white person. BUT, this might be more do to the functioning part of my brain that says there is a conspiracy to take over my brain by anyone who wasn't me.
The experience in radiology was much better. It was a smaller portion of the hospital/medical center. There was only one quiet receptionist, a waiting room for 10 people, and just an elderly couple of women waiting. That kinda puts you on a little guard thinking hmm, not many people have to do this test?? I should have known better going into it when they were asking me if I was claustrophobic. Yeesh. But, at this point, I still did not know. I was happy when someone came out within only 7-8 minutes of me sitting down. A nurse who was about the most passive, relaxed person I ever met escorted me to a dressing room, where she apologized for the fact she was going to ask me to completely undress and don gown. I was pretty ok, until I realized she’d given me only one gown, and we all know by now … that doesn’t quite cover the ummm whole of things. I sat there waiting for a while hoping she would come back, but eventually I crept out of the room back facing the walls and had to use my loud voice because she was “chatting” with someone else. BUT, she was a very nice mellow woman and said, “oh sure, let me help you with that!” Afterward, when I was handed a satisfaction survey, this woman received high marks.
I had to wait in another waiting room for not so long. The nurse had already relaxed me by informing me this time, I would not have to drink any dye or get an intravenous. I thought Man …. No matter what God takes care! After the tech came out to greet me I was happy to find that she was one of those cheerful women who seem to know their job is going to be a lot easier if they are nice to the patient! It took a bit to get settled in. She was talking and talking and arranging me on this thin metal tray, repeating the question, you are going to be ok, right? You are not going to give me any trouble? Let me tell you, these words are a clue, that you are supposed to not upset the tech who has obvious experience dealing with trouble makers!
The position she put me in was not comfortable. Couldn’t be. And, as a first attempt failed at putting me head first into this machine, God smiled down upon me and allowed us to be turned around feet first. PSHWOO!! That was only the first obstacle. What I had realized in the first attempt was the claustrophobic question was with purpose! I asked, since this was only going to be a test for hips and leg, would I have to go all the way in. Because by this time the reality was zonking me to pieces. I thought, don’t give her trouble, don’t give her trouble! What I had realized was that there was not going to be room for an inch of movement. As she reinserted me my body was scraping the sides of the tube and my thighs and knees were pressed with pressure. Although the nice tech had said ONLY 20 minutes, I believed more the nurse outside who state it would be 45. And, of course they had pinned my arms and head directly over me, as if it were a stick-up. This was such an uncool thing to be going through for 45 minutes. I can’t explain more clearly what TIGHT means!
Through the ordeal though, I went through calming exercises. I thought of everyone I had ever known that might give me mental support. I imagined people caressing my head saying, “It’s ok, your doing well, it’s going to be ok.” I went back and forth between eyes closed or open not knowing which seemed more problematic. During 1 minute intervals, I remembered to wet my lips and swallow. I imagined that I was having sex, I imagined that I was floating on an intertube, I imagined I was floating on an intertube having sex, and when all else failed I begged for my Dr. M. presence of mind. The tech said something to me over the intercom as far as how are you doing. I said, “fine, fine.” Then added a little more panicked how much longer?? She said only another 20 minutes. I thought DAMN the woman lied to me. It was a trick to say 20 minutes when she should have said 45!
“ok, ok we’re not going to panic.” She must have certainly gone through this before, because she started breaking the time up for me. She would say, “Only 4 more minutes of THIS one.” Which of course leads one to be thinking there are others parts to follow. What she was talking to was in reference to the sounds. I should have expected something, because right before slipping me into the catacomb, she inserted ear plugs. Wow! What an understatement the machine was terrifically loud! The thing I had realized helping me get through the series of sounds the cameras were making, was that if I paid attention the sounds although somewhat disturbingly loud could also be construed as a musical concerto! Hehehe I told this to the tech afterward, and her response was really? We laughed as she was trying to unglue our arms from their raised position. Really, truly I thought the sounds had become quite wonderful. Almost as if in a National Geographic movie where you are hearing natives for the first time drumming a celebration.
Afterward, the first one out was Casey. She said, excitedly, we did good, right? The tech was appreciative I’m sure that it was over and we didn’t bail on her, but she confirmed we had done VERY good. Then Casey thought to exclaim, “And, we didn’t even cry!” But, then the tech said, “Well actually you cried a little.” This dismayed Casey very much. She said, but not REAL crying?? She said, “well no not real tears, but you were whimpering!” Casey looked down sadly. But, because she was a nice tech person, she said with hand patting our back, “But you did VERY good!” So, we smiled.
So that almost wraps it up. The very final thing was that our friend did the nicest thing as far as meeting us back at our home, to which we received very, very good hugs and nuzzles. We kept repeating, “We did it, we did it, it’s all over now, isn’t it?!!” We were soothed to bed by his soft caresses and the knowledge that we had indeed surpassed the day. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/19/2006 04:34:00 AM__Comments: 7_
_"Let's Call this a Day from Hell (warning long)"_
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1 – 7 of 7
_V__ said..._
Yay! How`s that for a top Memory!It sounds as if you might have saved the Bacon for the center! Written up, indeed!
I remember when the PA state inspectors first started those "surprise" inspections! You`re right, Ayn, those were not pleasant days. I hope Sr is ok; when I was Executive Director of a Mental Health Center I was much younger than she. We had 7 distinct programs so one of these surprise visits was happening about every 2 months! Ugh! Keeps you on your toes!
Your description of your medical appointment is Hilarious! Hehehehe.
.....And, he asked if I felt challenged. I told him that Sr. had shown good confidence with me and that I not only had the client part of a caseload, but she’d given me staff training and CARF accreditation, so there was plenty to keep me interested and motivated. YAYYYY V. would say, [Top answerer!] *giggle.........
{TOP ANSWERER!!}
I leave you with only 2 letters......M W !!!
HUgs,
V
Thursday, January 19, 2006 5:07:00 AM
Anonymous said...
Ann i have a 3 MRIs and they are no fun:( glad you got through it
Deb
Thursday, January 19, 2006 6:16:00 AM
_Tamara__ said..._
Hey Sweetie!
It feels like months since I've been able to play catch up, sorry I was gone soooooooooooo long! I have missed you terribly...
I loved reading your captivating entries and I do not mind telling you that I felt your emotions on two occasions. One, I too have claustrophobia and would have freaked out had I been confined for 45 minutes. You handled the situation very well, much better than I could have.
Second, the next time a lab tech tried to embarrass you in front of people, call him or her on the table. Simply state in an equally loud voice, " Are you trying to humiliate me in front of all of these people? Or do you simply lack good manners?" Then turn and walk away without another word or glance.
Hummm, about the Veranda...it's looks like everyone has been having a great time while I've been away. What a neat feeling it is to know that there is a place I can come back to where everyone knows my name. ( I sort of stole this from Cheers.)
How are your classes coming along? More importantly, how are you?
Love and hugs,
T
Thursday, January 19, 2006 9:55:00 AM
_Gabreael__ said..._
Oh Ayn,
I am sorry you had that horrid experience. I am glad you made it through OK. I wanted to also let you know I posted today in DA.
Take Care,
Gabreael
Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:14:00 PM
_TJ__ said..._
I sat on the edge of what is "OUR" chair now, one in the same reading, holding my breath!
I think I need a smoke!
Yay, is to say the least. As good as you are there is always those who would love nothing more then to find a toothpick and dig in.
You scored well...way to go!
Thursday, January 19, 2006 5:22:00 PM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
Congratulations for getting through two such stressful ordeals.
We hope it goes easier from now on.
Love,
Bon & Mal
Thursday, January 19, 2006 5:24:00 PM
_Tom__ said..._
Ayn,
What a stressful day that was! Between state inspections, paperwork, office politics, rude medical staff, and a 45 mintune MRI...WHEW! You had a long post for a really long day.
Saturday, January 21, 2006 2:22:00 PM
_Ahh Bon and Mal ... Be that as it may_
We've been tagged by _Bon and Mal __to reveal Five Guilty Pleasures - so:_
- Sneaking off in the woods to get umm romantic, yes that’s it!
- Governor’s Chicken from See-through Kitchen Chinese
- Having fun on-line with almost every minute of non-work time
- Writing in my blog on early Saturday mornings, even before homework is done.
- Spending money for books and programs at Amazon
- (Bonus – Waiting to jump my lover at the door!)
I think we now get to do this to others YAYYYY -
(We hear Gabgets an exemption)
Ummm, thanks Bon and Malyou've reminded us how much more fun to think of being more naughty than nice! Need to check my standings though ... don't want to mess up with Santa '06!
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/20/2006 03:33:00 AM__Comments: 8_
_"Ahh Bon and Mal ... Be that as it may"_
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1 – 8 of 8
Anonymous said...
OK i will do this this afternoon:) have you heard the results of your MRI yet?
WE MADE IT TO FRIDAY!!!!!!
Deb
Friday, January 20, 2006 3:59:00 AM
_V__ said..._
Aha!
Good work, they all make sense to your regular readers.
You seem to be a spendrhrift romantic! {Hehehehe}
V
Friday, January 20, 2006 5:05:00 AM
_Darla__ said..._
Ayn, you romantic girl, you! :) I'll give up my list a little later today! You made me giggle when you said you don't want to mess up your status with Santa for this year! Never too early to start! ;o)
Hugs,
Darla ;o)
P.S. I am going to go introduce myself to Bon & Mal today. I've been wanting to do that! Thanks for giving me the reminder!
Friday, January 20, 2006 9:09:00 AM
_Christina K Brown__ said..._
you just kill me Ayn...
LOL
Friday, January 20, 2006 3:15:00 PM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
Don't worry, Ayn. It's all good.
lol
Santa can't wait to see you.
Love,
Bon & Mal
Friday, January 20, 2006 3:50:00 PM
_Tammy Brierly__ said..._
LOL, sounds like Ayn!
Saturday, January 21, 2006 6:08:00 PM
_Gabreael__ said..._
LOL. I am "Exempt." I hear you on number 5. I could spend a fortune at Amazon.
Sunday, January 22, 2006 12:17:00 AM
_Tamara__ said..._
Sex in the woods? You go girl! Woo-hoo!
#4 pulled at my heart strings for I've discovered that those rare moments when I can write in my blog and surf through everyone elses has become such a rare pleasure that I long to have more time for. I miss this part of us...
Love,
T
Monday, January 23, 2006 9:57:00 AM
Short note for a short day
Good morning,
Just us. It’s about 4:15 now … we’ve been up for about an hour and a half taking care of B-Business. Thought I should leave some kind of an update … well, that and mostly cuz I like to write in the morning J
Let’s see as far as updates??
Sr. got on the intercom at work yesterday morning about 20 minutes after getting there. She had to go out so suggested that each of the group say their prayers in the rooms and that they pray for the state inspectors. Then she simply said, there were problems, but we did very well. And, then later she announced the center had received 97%. This pretty much stunned the hell out of everyone. Especially, for the amount of bad karma she was spreading yesterday, we were all made to think that the problems were SOOOO big, that we were near failing. Sooooo, let’s just slide past this inspection and get on with the business of doing business! What a roller coaster though! One more thing … she took over the staff training session for an impromptu staff meeting. She kept heaping praise on the DSPs saying how wonderful they did. This was kind of an unfair thing to do in that 2 of the 5 were interviewed and that was that. No paperwork, no heavy duty projects, no special programs - just had to smile and be nice. Pretty hard on the Q’s, but I guess that be the nature of the beast?? Let it go!
We had one other meeting … the behavior meeting. But, because Sister wasn’t there the other Q was better – not trying so hard to impress, so that was ok. Sister tacked on a new responsibility with the minutes portion that I do, so I suppose we’ll have to get to that right away this morning. Will be good for us. And, I have 10-11 Qnotes to write by Tuesday so that will be a chore, AND there will be a staffing on Tuesday and Friday so we’ll have to go over that. Then, we’re into the normal business of business in just trying to get things accomplished. I am looking forward actually to the new CARF materials coming in for a change of pace. Now that the major State inspection is over for the year, we can breathe a little easier. Just need to stay on top of things.
We had our Dr. M. appointment last night. We went over some of the activities of Tuesday and Wednesday. And, then we spent a good amount of time going over the Dr.’s report for our regular doctor appointment. There weren’t too many surprises … just a lot of things have to get accomplished. I did schedule for the appointment to check the nerves in my left hand. Dr. M. said I wasn’t going to like that test either. He said they hook a lot of wires to my arm and do tests stimulating the nerves. Yeeks. I think that one is coming up like the 27th. We talked about getting two more tests done which I am having trouble scheduling. The one test is a fast and the other one is the sleep apnea one. I just haven’t convinced ourselves we could survive a night without smokes and computer. I think they are going to win out, because I know they are serious and it needs to be done … just a vice a vice.
Another thing we talked about was meeting with the memory/attention psychiatrist. Dr. M. says that he would be free to talk with both of us next Thursday during our regularly scheduled time. That means by the Monday appointment, he is going to want to draw up a list of questions. That will be a weekend assignment. The last thing was the MRI test. They said that it will be completed by Monday. I don’t know if they meant Monday by 8 am though so Dr. M. and us can talk about it. I guess the worse case scenario is that I ask him to send an email or call. Hmm, seems to me we have an infection we have to take care of too. L He said after the regular doctor checks the blood work; she will most likely call to set up some anti-biotics. Shoot, shoot when it rains it pours. Damm … one more thing … I had a lousy 3 month reading on blood sugar for the diabetes. Meaning the lab said I was a 9.4 where the top range is supposed to be a 6.0. Dr. M. said the highest he’s ever seen the number go is 12.0 … so I suppose that’s not good. I had thought I was doing good because I had been losing weight. Probably means the dr. is going to want to adjust the diabetes medicine L Drat hassle and cost!
So that’s that with that stuff. School will be one of the next realities and most likely our friend too. I’m not sure if he has scheduled a game for tonight though or not. I guess there is not to be much said here. Sometimes, I miss our friend, but it will only have been 2-3 days since seeing him L Shoot, got down again …think we’re going to lie down.
Hmm, back up again … it’s now about 7:00 am. I’m giving myself about a half hour to wake up. Umm, I’m not done yet.
Ahh Vster!
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/20/2006 07:16:00 AM__Comments: 11_
_"Short note for a short day"_
11 Comments - _Show Original Post__Collapse comments_
1 – 11 of 11
_Ann Marie__ said..._
Yes Dear #1 priority now. Though smooching is right up there!
Friday, January 20, 2006 7:22:00 AM
_V__ said..._
Congratulations on the inspection!
Your usual 97%!!!!
Yeaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry for all of the testing youre putting up with; tiring.
Please, for me, your number one priority...."Master`s Work" ?
Hugs,
V
Friday, January 20, 2006 7:22:00 AM
_Gabreael__ said..._
Well 97% sounds pretty darn good to me.
Gabreael
http://gabreaelsbodymindandspirit.blogspot.com/
Friday, January 20, 2006 9:35:00 AM
Anonymous said...
97% woohoo very good:)hope all your tests turn out ok
Deb
Friday, January 20, 2006 4:37:00 PM
_Bedazzzled1__ said..._
Congratulations on the 97%, sympathy for the numerous testsespecially the one the doc says you won't like, and smiles for writing entries that capture my attention and allow me to peek into your world.
::hug::
Friday, January 20, 2006 7:23:00 PM
_Tom__ said..._
Congrats on excellent reviews from the state inspection. Hope you get good report on your tests coming up. Wishing you good vibes and good health.
Friday, January 20, 2006 7:30:00 PM
_lorileo__ said..._
Great score... Let hope for a 97% pass on all those tests you have to take!
Take care and take it one day at a time.
Lori
ps... they say an apple a day keeps the doctors away... can't hurt! hehehe
Friday, January 20, 2006 9:16:00 PM
_TJ__ said..._
What amazes me about you is that your are so sharp for details. A quick eye as well as mind.I hope these test results are all good and you can continue with your self improvements for sugar levels.
Sugar can mess you up girl but you already know that.
Have a great weekend ..do just whateva puts a smile on your face.
( Hugs)
Saturday, January 21, 2006 10:39:00 AM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
97% is a wonderful number. you all must be doing something right!
Love,
Bon & Mal
Saturday, January 21, 2006 3:26:00 PM
_Darla__ said..._
Congratulations on your good inspection rating, Ayn!
I'm sure all of the testing stinks, but we'll all be here to help you thorough and keep you smiling!
I did my Tag for you today. Mine's not as romantic as yours, but I didn't feel like kissing and telling today :)
Hugs,
Darla ;o)
http://simplydarla.blogspot.com/
Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:53:00 PM
_Tammy Brierly__ said..._
WaaHoo 97%, Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUGE HUG,
Tammy
Saturday, January 21, 2006 6:05:00 PM
Hmm, What is your task?
Hi. I’m pretty late in writing today. It is almost evening. I haven’t really done much with the day, except try to relax. I’ve been visiting, not much more. The last bit of time was in exploring with the music thingy. Something brought me to John Denver. So, now I am on a 224 song spurt. I haven’t heard his voice for a very long time. My Uncle introduced us to John Denver. As much as I didn’t like him, he had gotten my cousin quite a few records and while on a weekend up at the lake, he had worked very hard to convince my drunken-angst father it wasn’t sacrilegious to have Denver in the house. My father had a thing against “rock” stars. The number of records he owned (we weren’t allowed to own) was about 4” wide. I listened to John Denver bout as much as I dared. Listening was something you did in private not when other family members could be bothered. I liked him. Eventually, this led to the purchase of one slim Bobby Sherman record. But, let’s not get too radical here … Anyway, no one to stop me now and it doesn’t matter how uncool he might be … Annie will be a song I want played at my funeral. J It will be my tribute to my friend.
We read about Denver’s death just now. We remember that he had died in an air plane crash, but I never had listened for details. He had a bad ending. It was a straight drop of 150 feet with an experimental plane he had just bought and was testing. They said it was mostly due to shortage of fuel, inaccessible fuel gauges, and lack of pilot training. At the time papers speculated that he had been drinking, but there was evidence to justify no drinking. To my knowledge his ex’s, three kids, and the government are still arguing over a 7-9 million dollar estate. There was no will. One site listed the body parts not found. That seems to be where we get stuck. We’re going to listen a while and chase away these images.
I liked him. I even liked his God movie. Yup, I’m 46 years old and finally admitting I like John Denver. J Makes me feel good. Like being redeemed a little J
“Sometimes I fly like an Eagle; sometimes I’m deep in despair.” John Denver
Ok, ok … lets push this forward a little … been nursing a little depression, but pretty sure I don’t want to go there.
The only notes from work yesterday related to a fairly good day at working toward order and getting things done. And, then we had good feelings about the Thinking Group, to which even Sister couldn’t take away, though she tried. The Thinking Group is the last organized activity on Friday’s. The clients go out to their waiting transportation from there. One of the ladies couldn’t find her lunch box. Sr. became angry and was in her imposing position, so after being attacked for wanting to help remove the garbage, I withdrew. But, after a smoke I had gone up front to work on a report with the one remaining DSP. It’s for another staffing on Tuesday. That was going well and we were about finished (4 pm) when Sr. charged in. She was yelling again, because the client who keeps his lunch box in the tray attached to his walker was also missing his lunchbox. She went into a tirade about how idiotic it had been to have the clients put their bags under their chairs, because obviously this was the problem and how that will never happen again.
I left and went back to my office. I couldn’t figure it out. If I was ever going to use those color pencils with 46 people crowded around tables 5-6 deep, and the table was holding all their belongings, how were we going to be able to do it. Were we ever going to draw again? Surely this couldn’t be what just happened. But, it did. We can’t use the tables. It left me feeling pretty confused. Angry. Depressed. But, the advice at the time and since then is to let it go. Not to fight it, just let it go and work around it.
So then, we started looking at the pictures that the clients had drawn that day before the lunchbag crises.
It had been a good session. After everyone was settled. Shoot that wasn’t easy either. Sister had come in at the beginning of the meeting screaming because she thought someone might use an extra chair from the side by wall. She counts chairs in use, but hadn’t taken into consideration lunch is missing one of the groups that come in for the Thinking group (The low functioning group). The room quieted down. There were six people left standing. There was a moment of silence. I asked out loud, “Are all the chairs taken?” The clients responded there were no chairs left. I just stood there not doing anything. Sister was still standing angrily at the door. Then she crossed the floor sputtering something grabbed a chair from the side and a clients arm and said, “you go over there!” Etc. We thought everyone was sitting, but then one more client came in, she grumbled and snapped at him, “You are always a Johnny come lately, always needing to make a grand entrance!” She stormed out without getting him a chair. We made sure he got a chair.
Ok, NOW after this part it was good. I began working with some volunteers to get things set up. We got out the boxes of colored pencils and had them distributed. Then we had someone distribute rubber bands to the tables. Then we had someone distribute a sheet of paper. And, the last person distributed green 1” dots that were stuck in the middle on one side of the paper. Then we took 20 minutes to go through together the process of taking out 40 sets of pencils and placing double rubber bands around them. Hehehe you’ll have to trust me … this was not an easy task, but one that when finished I asked them to give themselves a round of applause. They were proud of their accomplishment. I said, “Ok, here is where the work begins!”
I had them take out one color from their bundles, any color, and told them to draw one circle around the dot. That was a challenge for some of them. Each round we would go in and out between the tables and check work, encourage, or praise. The next instruction was to put that color away and take out a different color, and then I asked them to draw two circles around the last two circles. We went up to four circles with the fourth color before stopping. Again, each round things were checked. Most were paying close attention and for the ones that weren’t we assisted. Then, I told them that we were going to draw them on the paper, but we needed something to represent them. Hehehe yep used the word represent. Good word. One of the ideas was taken. The volunteer had said why don’t we use an arrow. So, we said fine, fine idea. I said, but first I want you to look at that green dot. Most of them focused and I repeated a couple of times using different words, that dot represents the thing you value most, the thing that is most important to you. Then I said go ahead draw you on the paper. It’s about the most amazing thing when doing something like this. Although they are for the most part using the same elements, the pictures look very, very different from one another. After this round, we asked them to use a cross to represent God. They all placed their marks. I said lastly place a box representing your goal work here at the center. I know I had pushed their concentration pretty much, so I ended it by just saying are you happy with where everything is at? Then because there was like 8 minutes left I told them to turn over the paper and someone placed yellow dots on the backside. I said this lesson has been on value. Now in the last minutes I want you to draw something of value. Some wise guy in the group said “a whopper!” Everyone laughed. Turns out a lot of Mickey D signs, hamburgers, and pizzas were drawn. *giggle*
It had been a good session. I will officially “figure out” what happened on the papers sometime next week after Tuesday. They do so terrific. It was just great!
So, that concluded my official hard week. J Pretty good, hmm?
I think it took a while getting out the door, to the bank, finish dinner and be relaxed for my friend to come over. He is always special. We mostly talk and massage. This time he let me talk. He said I want to hear more about your medical situation, what did Dr. M. say? Hehehe that kept us busy for quite a while. Ahh, then you gotta know its going to get mushy soon enough and here we are finishing up the paragraph right fast! *Silly Grin!*
Hmm, we’re already up to Saturday … umm not much, but think I said before mostly reading blogs. We’ll turn on TV tomorrow for the football games. I have of course impending homework. But, it seems I have to get all caught up with one part of my life, before I can get into the other. That is the nature of weekend relaxation. It just doesn’t always happen, because you wake up and it is Saturday morning!
I had started something earlier that I wanted to continue when I got a free chance. Remember Bill’s work on the Meaning of Life?? We had done the introduction and first thing we would do after we landed on Earth. Now the next thing is we are going to have tasks to do. This is what Bill has got to say.
- You Will...
HAVE TASKS
You come here to do certain specific things. You may have one task or many. Your tasks may be obvious to you. or you may need time, effort, maybe struggle even to clarify your tasks. You may never quite even clarify your task until the moment your time in this body ends. You may work on your task for years before you realize, “This is my task.” The tasks you came to perform may take the whole of your life or be done in an instant. You may be aware you are performing your life task while you do it.
You may perform your task quickly, hardly noticing anything special, unaware you are doing the task you came to do while you do it.Your task may be so easy, obvious and natural,you never even wonder, "What is my task?" Your unique blend of talents and interests may lead you to your task and you just do it. Or, your task may be a constant, unpleasant struggle you fight every step of the way. Your task may be noble and wonderful and gain you recognition, rewards and honors. Or, it may be simple, totally unnoticeable while you do it.
AHA! That’s what I’ve been missing. I have to clarify my task! Ok, now YOU!!! If you’ve been reading along comfortably … this is your time to jump on in … There are going to be 44 parts or things we are going to think through over quite a while. Now on my regular entries people can get by with saying, “Yes, yes Ann … you did well. Nice!” And, most times I might add to looking for this kind of affirmation. BUT, this isn’t one of those times. If you are still here at my blog reading … it is time for you to become proactive. Before you read any further of what I’ve got to say, go straight over to the comments and answer for yourself a meaning of life challenge. Ask, “What task(s) do I have to do? It’s ok to read Bill’s clues J Good luck! Oh yeah in the nature of good blogging, if you should per chance want to think about this kind of thing more in-depth, please, do not hesitate to take a question back home to your own blog. It be neater if you linked back, but my reading your answers isn’t key here.
No cheating ok??? And, don’t be going looking for hints! Ya gotta think about it for a few minutes! Go ahead, go ahead. We got time. J
Ok, now that everyone has scampered off, we gotta figure out our tasks. Not so easy for a multiple. One task might be to get to the bathroom on time, and another task to write self-books for adults with developmental disabilities. But, as I’m thinking now we’re going to have to figure out one tasks that umbrellas all the other tasks.
I think we should have a particular task to help us focus better. You know something that unifies us. We've got an inkling of a task now, but we can't say its real obvious to us. It's kind of obviously sitting in our blind spot. I think we'll take a task that we need to struggle through. We figure God would surely give us something challenging! It's gotta be big enough to take a lifetime to do, but something even the younger parts will understand. Hmm, its interesting thinking about what the way young parts do for us. Think its lining up.
What's on our mind so far has something to do with peoples sense of personal satisfaction and happiness. I figure that that is a pretty big challenge. Yes, now looking at it all spelled out, I quite like it! Its too early to figure out if cranky, angry people find happiness in being that way. I'm going to take an educated guess not! I don't know they still might smile like when we were young and killed ants with squirt guns. Believe me we've certainly paid for that sin! Sorry Pastor Tang.
Hmm, thinking of scrooge here … no, no, no we better take it just as it is, because for some people making a pile of money, might really make them happy. We don't want to place our values on them. Now, the big question and reason why I think we qualify for this position in life. It has to do pretty much because of the abuse and the ramifications after that. It leads to our suspicious motives!
Well, it's pretty obvious my mother didn't care for us. She might have loved us in the sense of however she knew love which was pretty twisted. My Grandfather might have showed mercy sometimes, but that's really not love. I think he got from the sexual abuse more than he was giving out. Did this make him happy? Made his little penis jingly and satisfied. I suppose even he could have been happy with pulling this off. Point being since this is now MY life we're talking about, I think we had some unhappy experiences. BUT, the curious thing is that we've always found happiness somewhere. There's always been that saving grace that some good would come from what our minds could find. Was Corey happy during her two years of mourning for her best friend at 10? Hmm, I think considering what one can within a moment of time. Corey was happy in that most often she lived in a fantasy world with her dead friend. Its hard to imagine the sadness we feel in having watched this through so many years. But, in general, Corey is still a happy person and we are personally satisfied with that! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
Ok, seems to be working out so far. We certainly couldn't have life meaning if we weren't somehow also attached to helping others be personally satisfied and happy. But, it can't be all about helping others, because sometimes individually and as a group, WE need to regroup. Because if we aren't getting to the good stuff, how can we think others would. AND, there is a very important argument here that not everyone wants help. Seems like there are a lot of sensitive souls out there that are either very independent or pretty stubborn … hehehe maybe the same thing. If people were just to go out helping people there would be a tremendous amount of boundary invasion. People be saying, "Did I ask for your help?" Um, better add a cranky category. Yup, yup … we'll just leave helping others be an option IF they want help. :) Ok, that works for me!
So, how do we go about all this personal and SOMEtimes other orientated good willing?? Hmm, that's an interesting thought what happens we make our task good willing instead of personal satisfaction and happiness. That would get us more past the truly cranky and bad tempered. For them it would mean like walking on the opposite side of the street be good willing! And how bout for ourselves. Kind of turned things like self-acceptance. Hmm, that sure make a lot of people smile! Anything we'd lose? Hmm, how about that statement, "I did good!" that has to be in here somewhere. Hmm, a little tenuous, but I really think it would be catchy to be a good willer. I don't think too many people are using it! Though there's a lot of people cross the world that do promote good will, and so they they are like good willers. Eh, I can say then that I'm hangin with a pretty good crowd!
Think too it goes along with my career choice of being an eccentric old woman. Eccentric people can be very much good willers! PERFECT. Ok, let's test out the next variable.
I still think we'll struggle, because we didn't come by good will naturally, we had to work for it and still do. You wouldn't imagine the nasty thought we had toward Sr., but we stopped that pretty much right away. Good!
It be a waste not to claim this task until we were dead! I think some of us inside have tried that, but we should mark it with a big failure. We've practiced being dead or willing ourselves to be dead a lot, but it never seems to take. Hmmm Once we talked to God about it. We were pretty darn steamed. We said, I WANT TO DIE NOW! God said see those padded walls? Made them special for you! You got lots more to do yet. Hmpf! He's always got some such attitude!
It has taken me years to accomplish this task. All the 46 and a half years til just now. I sure hope previous task experience counts! Hate to think child rearing in particular wasn't a great big life lesson in something!
It's a life long task. I'm barely going to have enough time before dying before I get it all done!
Hmm, I'm pretty cloudy about whether I know what I am doing at ANY time.
Shoot, "Annie's Song" just came on again. I was dripping tears through it this time too. Yup yup … I want that song sung for my friend when I die. Could somebody be accountable for that for me? I know better do it ourselves. NOT that we're planning on going anytime soon! But it's gotta be that and Ava Maria. Ok, enough of that …
Ok, where were we? That's right we barely ever know what we're doing. So, I don't need to notice when good willing is being accomplished. Wow … lots of good willers actually, just think of the Good Will people! Forgot about them. Hmm, too much a crowd? Naw, we'll specialize in small private jobs :)
The task can be easy, obvious and natural, like when we're really busy and a client comes in and says, "Ms Ann I need to talk to you." Shoot makes my heart get all soggy. It's kind of funny in that respect. I was just thinking that as far as chairs people visit … I think I have one of the most well spent chairs in the building. Hehehe actually pretty easy though. Our friend and Margarita aren't around much in their shared office and Sr. and the other Q. pile stuff on top of their chairs. Usually, the remain sitting and they expect the person coming in to stand before them. Just see no sense in that. I've got two wonderful guest chairs and if they are not ready immediately when someone comes in I'm clearing them off. I love it! I've got everything but the can marked 5 cents. *giggle* AHA! I bet V needs one of these! Birthday is all set up then!
I think I am especially qualified because no matter what I feel like we're happy people … that's got to be a talent. *Gigglin* Probably one of the few diagnosed severe chronic depressants you know that really feels good most times. Whoops. Time for the happy pill! NAW don't do that to us! Ok … ok … but, we still got to take the medicine? Ok, going…
Done.
Hehehe no we mean Done. Pills, our task goal … All done. Just me and JD left. Ohh and the kitty cat that tells me it is time for bed. Silly kitty.
Ok, ok. Nitey Nite! And, don't forget to post YOUR part!
posted by Ann Marie @ _1/21/2006 07:09:00 PM__Comments: 5_
5 Comments - _Show Original Post__Collapse comments_
1 – 5 of 5
_V__ said..._
Hi Ayn,
I would like to continue writing, maybe publish.
V
Sunday, January 22, 2006 5:05:00 AM
Anonymous said...
Ann with every post i learn new things about you:) have a great monday
Deb
Sunday, January 22, 2006 10:08:00 PM
_Bon & Mal Mott__ said..._
Hi, Ayn. We think our task amy be to learn as much as we can.
Love,
Bon & Mal
Monday, January 23, 2006 7:34:00 AM
_Christina K Brown__ said..._
There are few people that I would like to lead to Him....
That is my biggest task.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006 2:01:00 PM
_Tammy Brierly__ said..._
Live a life I can be proud of.
XXOO
Tammy
Tuesday, January 24, 2006 2:45:00 PM