15 Qs People Should Ask Before Marrying
<p> </p>
<h1><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying </span></h1>
<p> </p>
<div id="toolsRight"><form action="https://s100.copyright.com/CommonApp/LoadingApplication.jsp" name="cccform" target="_Icon"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><input name="Title" type="hidden" value="Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying " /><input name="Author" type="hidden" /><input name="ContentID" type="hidden" value="http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html" /><input name="FormatType" type="hidden" value="default" /><input name="PublicationDate" type="hidden" value="DEC 17 2006" /><input name="PublisherName" type="hidden" value="The New York Times" /><input name="Publication" type="hidden" value="nytimes.com" /></span></form>
<div class="articleTools">
<div class="toolsContainer">
<ul id="toolsList" class="toolsList">
<li class="email"><form id="emailThis" action="http://www.nytimes.com/mem/emailthis.html" method="post" name="emailThis"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><input name="type" type="hidden" value="1" /><input name="url" type="hidden" value="http%3a%2f%2fwww%2enytimes%2ecom%2f2006%2f12%2f17%2ffashion%2fweddings%2f17FIELDBOX%2ehtml" /><input name="title" type="hidden" value="Questions%20Couples%20Should%20Ask%20%28Or%20Wish%20They%20Had%29%20Before%20Marrying%20" /><input name="description" type="hidden" value="A%20few%20key%20questions%20that%20couples%20should%20consider%20asking%20before%20marriage%2e" /><input name="asset_id" type="hidden" value="1154657804949" /><input name="pub_date" type="hidden" value="20061217" /><input name="author" type="hidden" /><input name="col_name" type="hidden" /><input name="source" type="hidden" value="The%20New%20York%20Times" /><input name="section" type="hidden" value="Fashion%20%26%20Style%20%2f%20Weddings%20%26%20Celebrations" /><input name="nytdsection" type="hidden" value="fashion" /><input name="nytdsubsection" type="hidden" value="weddings" /><input name="adx_setup_tag" type="hidden" value="www%2enytimes%2ecom%2fyr%2fmo%2fday%2ffashion%2fweddings%2f17FIELDBOX%2ehtml" /><input name="adx_keywords" type="hidden" value="marriages%3bweddings%2band%2bengagements%3bsuggested%255fstyle%3bsuggested%255fgarden%3bsuggested%255ffashion%3bsuggested%255fdining%3bsuggested%255fweddings%3b" /><input name="encrypted_key" type="hidden" value="2sTJT2vFjqRIb8KBT0vxmg" /><a id="emailThis"></a>E-Mail</span></form></li>
<li class="print"><a href="../../../../../2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?ei=5087%0A&em=&en=79926dc8ef6441cc&ex=1167282000&pagewanted=print"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Print</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"> <a href="../../../../../2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?ei=5087%0A&em=&en=79926dc8ef6441cc&ex=1167282000&pagewanted=all"> </a></span></li>
<li class="reprints"><a href="#"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Reprints</span></a></li>
<li class="savepage"><a href="#"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Save</span></a></li>
<li id="post" class="post"><a href="#"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Share</span></a>
<ul id="postList" class="hide">
<li class="digg"><a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Digg</span></a></li>
<li class="facebook"><a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Facebook</span></a></li>
<li class="newsvine"><a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Newsvine</span></a></li>
<li class="permalink"><a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Permalink</span></a></li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<div id="adxToolSponsor"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"></span>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr valign="bottom">
<td width="93">
<div style="margin-right: 2px;">
<div align="left"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/adx/bin/adx_click.html?type=goto&page=www.nytimes.com/yr/mo/day/fashion/weddings&pos=Frame4A&camp=foxsearch2006-emailtools13a-nyt5&ad=historyboys_88x31_pic11323.gif&goto=http://www.foxsearchlight.com/thehistoryboys/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><img src="file:///C:/My Brains/Jerry_brain/Files/D8D9D86D-FB2C-8075-C52E-E6CC69BE44E4/PersonalBrain Notes/downloadedimagefile0.gif" alt="Article Tools Sponsored By" width="62" height="20" border="0" /><img src="file:///C:/My Brains/Jerry_brain/Files/D8D9D86D-FB2C-8075-C52E-E6CC69BE44E4/PersonalBrain Notes/downloadedimagefile1.gif" alt="" width="88" height="31" border="0" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">
</span></div>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<div class="timestamp"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Published: December 17, 2006</span></div>
<div id="articleBody">
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:</span></p>
<div id="articleInline">
<div id="inlineBox"><a class="jumpLink" href="#secondParagraph"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Skip to next paragraph</span></a>
<div id="inlineReadersOpinion">
<h4><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Readers’ Opinions</span></h4>
<div class="story"> </div>
<div class="story">
<h5><a href="http://news.blogs.nytimes.com/?p=109"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Share Your Thoughts</span></a></h5>
<p class="summary"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">What questions do you think are important to ask before marriage?</span></p>
<ul class="refer">
<li style="padding-left: 0px; background-image: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><img style="margin-right: 3px; padding-top: 3px; vertical-align: middle;" src="file:///C:/My Brains/Jerry_brain/Files/D8D9D86D-FB2C-8075-C52E-E6CC69BE44E4/PersonalBrain Notes/downloadedimagefile2.gif" alt="Comment" border="0" /><a href="http://news.blogs.nytimes.com/?p=109">Read Comments</a></span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"></span>
<div class="doubleRule"> </div>
<h3 class="promo"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Related</span></h3>
<h2><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17field.html"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Field Notes: Marriage Is Not Built on Surprises</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"> (Dec. 17, 2006)</span></h2>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p><a id="secondParagraph" name="secondParagraph"></a> </p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">12) What does my family do that annoys you?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?</span></p>
</div>