Zen Judaism

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(from Noah Katz)

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<p class="MsoNormal">Some pretty good ones here J</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>ZEN JUDAISM</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* If there is no self,</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> whose arthritis is this?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Be someplace else later.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Is that so complicated?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Drink tea and nourish life.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> With the first sip... joy.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> With the second... satisfaction.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> With the third, peace.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> With the fourth, a danish.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Wherever you go, there you are.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Your luggage is another story.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Accept misfortune as a blessing.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Do not wish for perfect health</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> or a life without problems.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> What would you talk about?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* The journey of a thousand miles</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> begins with a single "oy."</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* There is no escaping karma.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> In a previous life, you never called,</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> you never wrote, you never visited.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> And whose fault was that?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> It takes effort to attain nothingness.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Bupkes.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* The Tao does not speak.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Tao does not blame.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Tao does not take sides.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Tao has no expectations.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Tao demands nothing of others.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Tao is not Jewish.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Breathe in. Breathe out.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Breathe in. Breathe out.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Forget this and attaining Enlightenment</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> will be the least of your problems.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Let your mind be as a floating cloud.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> And sit up straight. You'll never meet the</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Buddha with such rounded shoulders.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Be patient and achieve all things.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Be impatient and achieve all things faster.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* To Find the Buddha, look within.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Each blossom has ten thousand petals.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> You might want to see a specialist.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> motorcycle maintenance, do the following:</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Get rid of the motorcycle.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> What were you thinking?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Be aware of your body.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Be aware of your perceptions.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> Keep in mind that not every physical</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* The Torah says,"Love thy neighbor as thyself."</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> The Buddha says there is no "self."</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> So, maybe you are off the hook.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* The Buddha taught that one should practice loving</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b>* Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain,</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> yet shall you meditate and not stir</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> until you have attained full Enlightenment.</b></p>

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<p class="MsoNormal"><b> But, first, a little nosh</b></p>

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