Inner Safety
Inner safety is like an inner coziness.
It feels both solid and soft.
The solidity comes from the feeling of having an inner home; a support structure to dwell in.
The softness comes from feeling like you can relax into that structure; like taking an exhale and letting go into a big, comfortable couch, enveloped in your favorite blanket.
We all crave having access to this feeling, whether we admit it to ourselves or not (the only reason we wouldn't admit it is if we're still stuck behind the protective identity of being too tough to need softness).
And not only do we crave this feeling (it's the literal feeling of coming home), but it's foundational to all the things we care most about.
It's the foundation from which we explore the world, take risks, process feedback, meet our pain while healing, take responsibility in relationship, share ourselves in relationship, speak up for ourselves at work, share our values with the world, and how we hold, appreciate, and express the deep complexity, beauty, and messiness of our inner life.
And, without inner safety, or at the very least an awareness of the ways we don't feel safe in ourselves, we will subconsciously try to manipulate or exert control over the external world in order to feel more okay in ourselves.
Of course, a degree of external safety is extremely important. To suggest otherwise is to deny what it means to be human.
But to only focus on cultivating external safety is also to deny the inherent strength and unique capacities we have as humans to develop (or reconnect to) an inner home that can hold us through the most painful parts of life.